August 19, 2005 at 8:22 am (Uncategorized)

am i a real person? sometimes i feel like i’m going through the motions, but that none of it is real. i laugh well i’m supposed to, i look concerned when it’s needed, but then on one really knows the real me underneath, not even me. am i underneath there at all? have i built up this defensive shell so thinkly that i’ve lost all contact with myself? i think my fear of being real with anyone is affecting how i deal with myself too.

my biggest regret about mom’s being gone is that she never really knew who i was. she knew me better than anyone on the planet, but i wish she could be around when i rediscover my real self, if i ever do.


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