primer design sucks

August 26, 2005 at 2:56 pm (Uncategorized)

it’s interesting what we find ourselves proud of…

i spent my whole early development knowing that i was smart, but having to hide it- i didn’t want to get bullied (because it totally wasn’t cool to be smart), and i didn’t want to get used by all those homework mooches. even now, when people say i’m smart, it’s always in a very condescending tone, and they totally resent it. why? why is it so bad to be smart, even now in graduate school? really, it’s my intelligence i want people to recognize most, more than how i look or my personality or anything else. not that i’ve got much else to offer.

but brains alone don’t cut it, do they? you have to be cute, witty and perky to get noticed anywhere. am i okay with just sinking into obscurity, or do i need to cultivate some people skills and style?

what i really need is to go to a school with other departments, so i can mingle with people who have other interests. all the marine biology students here seem to care about is drinking and sports. very depressing, since i don’t like most sports. on the plane to austin last weekend, i sat between a girl reading popular science and guy writing prose- i felt so at home! that is what graduate school should be. love the ‘nerdy’ things you do, and do them, and share them with others! i feel like i’m suffocating at this school. i need to be able to go wonder museums to clear the science cobwebs out of my mind, or go to a coffee shop where i can evesdrop on people arguing about the finer details of a bach piece.

…and i know it is really stupid and superficial, but i’m also proud of my bust. there, i’ve said it. and i’m not taking it back.

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