they say it's your birthday…

October 10, 2005 at 7:38 am (Uncategorized)

happy birthday to me!!! horray for 24!

23 was officially the worst year of my life, and i’m not just being a weepy, mopey, teenager-ish crybaby about that. my mom died, i realized grad school (specifically teaching) is really frustrating and that i’m even more lazy about school work than i ever thought, i’ve had to deal with realizing that my parents are real people, and i’ve had to restructure my entire brain and life to deal with the fact that one of the pillars of my existance was taken from me, long before she ever should have been. what would my mom think about my newest piercing in my cartilage of my ear, or that i really want a tattoo? would she impressed that i got an apartment that overlooks a bay? would she like my little Roxie, the honda civic i just bought last week? everyone says “of course she would” when i ask stuff like this, but how can they presume to know? i know they are just trying to make me feel better, but it doesn’t work. i’m not some pity case who can just hear nice words and be pacified. it really annoyed me, right after the accident, when people would say “your mom would have wanted this” or “your mom would want you to do that”. bullshit. how do people know? especially people she wasn’t that close to? do NOT presume to know my mother better than i do. i know my mom, and she wasn’t a saint, but she was a perfect mother to me. she taught me to be tough, but to enjoy life, and not put up with people’s crap.

look mom, i’m 24. when you were 24, you had me. now, i’ll carry you, in memory and spirit.

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