anti-anti depressants, etc.

April 23, 2007 at 1:43 pm (Uncategorized)

ok, i made the sort of snap desicison last week to get off of my anti depressants. i’ve been on them for two years, and while i was in grad school i thought a lot about getting off of them because they seem to seriously decrease my creativity and, um, extra ciricular activities with the boy. so here i am, on day 4 of 7 of the half dose antidepressants. so far, so good. i felt a little funky last night, but it might have had something to do with the fact that the boy had just left to go back to corpus and i had a weird moment of “um, what the heck do i do in my free time again?”. who knows. i just don’t want to ever experience the fun “brain shivers” that result from the meds rushing out of my system too quickly.

but, what if i turn back into my boring, seriously awkward self when i’m off them completely? while i’m a big fan of confidence being key in the kind of person you are, i think perhaps this can only go so far in my case. i was a seriously awkward person before grad school, and i’ve very much enjoyed the post grad school, less awkward person i’ve become. but will this person stay with me now that the meds are going away? and why do i really want to get off them, anyway? what if they actually make me more creative? i never really got into crafting until i was on them…but then did i just pick up those hobbies as a distraction from the depression? just how much of me changed as a result of the meds, anyway?

i kind of feel very grumpy and tired. i can see these as just being side effects of the meds wearing off, but will they stick around forever? i like being happy-go-lucky, super confident meg!


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