some random thoughts

July 31, 2007 at 10:49 am (Uncategorized)

as a lab tech, i am looked to for doing things like giving lab tours to visitors. unfortunately, i never know what to say other than “hey, this is our lab. we do science here. by we, i mean everyone else ’cause i’m a tech”. not so impressive. what the heck am i supposed to say to a potential post doc my boss is trying to recruit? i don’t know her science, but it’s not like i don’t care. i just don’t have that background. ask me about anything related to stress or fish, though, and i’ll talk your ear off.

along the lines of “if a tree falls in the woods…”, if you eat beef stroganoff with no noodles, is it now something else? or does it just mean you were too lazy the night before?

i’m worried i’m getting insomnia again, but not the never fall asleep kind, the wake up and can’t get back to sleep kind. of course, the best sleep i get is when i’m supposed to be getting up, imagine that. with the first kind of insomnia, i have lots of remedies (chamomile tea, baths, reading, etc), but with the second…i’m usually not totally awake enough to do much other than just be angry that i’m not sleeping. not productive to sleeping, let me tell you!

so, kids, what did we learn from this blog post? i’m socially awkward and lazy, but it could possibly all be due to lack of sleep…or at least i’d like to think so…


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a lazy friday afternoon

July 27, 2007 at 12:16 pm (Uncategorized)

here i am at my desk at work, trying desperately to think of something to do while i wait for my next buffer exchange (they are at 2 hour intervals, very annoying) when i realized “duh, blog!”. so here i am. no specific point in mind today, just some rambling rumblings and postulating…

so, it’s funny, my current boss is down in port a right now, probably talking to my graduate adviser. talk about awkward. i’m very glad i’m not there for that, though i would give anything to here my awesome boss tell off my old boss, or at least tell him that i am, in fact, a good lab worker. It would blow his mind!

on to other random things… um, i got nothing. what an unproductive and boring blog. the lab next door to mine is always having this random little get togethers in the hallway right outside our door, it’s weird and annoying. that doesn’t change the fact that i am still bored out of my mind, though. it would be nice if i could just go home now, but the stupid buffer exchanges go on until 5…and it’s only 1:30! damn it. i’d practice my japanese but i left it at home because i figured i’d be too busy today to spend any time on it… #($*%&#@.

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a funny thing happened on the way to the -80…

July 19, 2007 at 8:08 am (Uncategorized)

so, i’m working on our -80 deep freeze at work this week. part of this involved me going back to my lab to grab a hammer, and as i passed my desk while clutching the sought after hammer, i had an serious urge to smash my little macbook… i didn’t, of course. i don’t have anything against my macbook, other than it being a mac, but the idea of just wailing on it was quite tempting. sort of like my almost overwhelming urge to jump off of really tall stuff, like balconies or mountains. maybe someday i’ll go skydiving just to get that urge out of my system, before i actually do jump off of something and break some bones.

i am in love, my bloggies. in love with a new website, this site is genius! it’s basically a worldwide book swap. go on, post books you want, and books you own but don’t want, and then let the swapping begin. i added 5 books that i don’t want any more last night, and with in 15 minutes i already had requests for two of them, with another waiting for me when i woke up this morning. this is a super fabulous way for me to purge my collection of all the books i’m now embarrassed to own, such as all of those i bought while in my vampire romance phase. sigh… what was i thinking? but, now i can get rid of those books and get new ones, basically for free (all i have to pay is shipping on the books i send away). hooray!

on a completely different note, my shoes smell. one of my favorite pairs of shoes went through hell with me last year when i had to clean out a marine carcass freezer. as the sludge on the dead turtles, dolphins and fish thawed, it of course ended up in my shoes. now, literally a year (or more) later, my shoes still smell like death and no amount of frebreezing has seemed to work. what do i do?? i admit i haven’t been super proactive about this, though i have thought about getting odereaters. i guess i keep hoping that one day, magically, the smell will just disappear.

on another random note, i love hormones. i love hormones so much that i gave up my life long dream of being a marine biologist to be a technician in a rat hormone lab. it constantly amazes me how powerful hormones are, especially the steroids. after only a month in my lab, two different girls had their cycles completely obliterated and then synched with mine. why? i’m on the pill, which means my cycle is quite rigid, but why was it so easy for their hormonal profiles to be shifted?? there’s another girl in the lab on the pill, so why is my hormonal profile stronger than hers?? steroids are amazing! additionally, i’ve been noticing that guys are much nicer to me when i’m about to ovulate (well, technically i don’t ovulate on the pill, but around the time i’m supposed to ovulate they are nicer)- evolutionarily, this makes sense. that’s the time you’re the most fertile, so that’s when guys should notice you and jump on you. so, is it the pheromones i’m giving off that make guys talk to me, or is it my perception being changed by my internal hormones that make me think they are being nicer to me? the answer is probably a little of both- that’s always the case in science. any scientist that swears by one theory alone is a nutcase or just crazy stubborn. along with the reproductive steroids, the stress steroids are really powerful, too. people get nuts when stress or sex are involved!

and speaking of stress, i really do have to find a second job. i’m thinking of looking into a coffee shop position, though so is half of austin, i’m sure, so we’ll see how that goes.

spacedi said…

Here’s an idea: I quit graduate school and make Dave quit his post-doc. We move back to Austin and all run a coffee shop instead. Then we get to smell and drink coffee, eat scones, and read books all day.

(begin crazy laughter)
(end crazy laughter)

I’m trying to learn fluid dynamics and going nuts. Hey, that’s related to coffee…I get dibs on being the crazy lady in said coffeeshop who tells customers how they are doing stirring work…Okay, (end daydream)…back to work

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real is relative

July 17, 2007 at 10:31 pm (Uncategorized)

hmm, someone mentioned to me recently (rather, they were telling a coworker and i was listening in) that one way to fight insomnia is to keep a journal. before bed, just sit and basically pour everything in your head into the journal. sorta a mind cleansing, via verbal vomiting. or written vomiting, but the alliteration isn’t as good. the point is that i wonder if my late night blogs come from this need to get random thoughts out of my head before going to sleep. if nothing else, they tend to be more interesting and/or surreal, so they make for interesting reads later.

anyway, i’ve been thinking a lot about getting into writing fiction. i mean, my blogs are just so interesting that it’s a natural step, right? actually the truth is that i find the world in my head to be much more desirable a place to be than the world i physically live in. in my head, there’s no monotony, there’s no family drama, no bills, no patronizing, passive aggressive people telling me what i should or shouldn’t do. it’s funny, as a kid i dreamt of becoming a super hero (’cause what child of the 80s didn’t?), but even now, i still love wondering just what it would be like to jump from building top to building top while chasing down whatever demon or bad guy that has pissed me off. this is, of course, quite hilarious, since i’m 25, out of shape, and really kinda boring, not to mention the fact that i’m a generally non violent, relaxed person. what self respecting ninja turtle would want to hang out with me? even so, i can’t help retreating to my daydreams any chance i get.

what worried me for a while after my parents’ accident was that i couldn’t seem to get back into my normal mode of day dreaming- it was like i just didn’t have the imagination for it any more. i can’t remember when i started day dreaming properly again, but i know that i’m back on track now. with out my silly little fantasy worlds, i would probably go insane, assuming i’m not a little insane already. when a coworker excitedly blurted out that i most likely had diabetes, based on the color of my armpits (…), i freaked out so much that the only thing that kept me sane was retreating as far as possible into my day dream self. no diabetes in my fantasies, just super heroes and bad guys. turned out there’s no diabetes in my real life, either, but the point is that i don’t know what i would’ve done with out the on going adventures in my head to keep me distracted from real life.

the problem with having such an interesting fantasy version of myself is that when i do get pulled back into reality, it pales in comparison. who wouldn’t rather retreat to day dreaming when their real life counterparts work in a field with no opportunity to make any real money, but where there are many potential health risks; or where they realize that their family members still all believe them to be a small child, and patronize them justly; or where they realize that their fiancee will never be willing to be as adventurous (travel-wise, naughties! or even just life-wise) as they are? not to mention the lack of purpose and never ending amount of grief that comes along with a real life.

see, i have to start writing. if i don’t, i might have to start an emo band, and none of my fantasy selves enjoy emo.

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i would like a jive turkey sandwich

July 14, 2007 at 5:23 pm (Uncategorized)

hahaha, that title was intended to just be funny but it also sounds a little naughty…or perhaps it’s just me?

i’m watching mystery men, a fabulously understated movie. oh, eddie izzard…such a lovely over the top bad guy. here’s one of his lines: “i’m protected, by the gods of hair products!” or something like that, any way. hahaha…. this is a ben stiller movie that i actually enjoy.

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July 13, 2007 at 10:32 am (Uncategorized)

i have a bug bite in my bellybutton and it ITCHES. damnit!

more interesting blogs to follow, perhaps. i sat down to write a blog the other night but it was really boring, so i didn’t bother posting it. i want to do a massive beading session tomorrow night, so maybe i’ll post some new crafty things. or maybe i’ll just play a bunch of video games and do nothing productive. we’ll see how it goes.

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sunnier side

July 11, 2007 at 7:20 pm (Uncategorized)

hallo, blog world. hopefully today’s blog will be happier than the last one, though no guarantees. my grandparents are not doing so good (my grandma has very recently developed a bad case of alzheimer’s, and my grandpa has been experiencing a series of mini strokes), which when i’m in an ok mood seems like one of those inevitable things, but when i’m in a crazy bad mood, it’s yet another way that life just seriously sucks. the worst i think will be seeing my dad sad again. i think is perhaps yet another good reason i stayed on my antidepressants

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even the sun is tired of all this rain

July 2, 2007 at 9:25 am (Uncategorized)

the sun is shining, and yet it is still raining. it will rain forever, i think…

i am in a horrifically bad mood today. too many things working against me, i think: it’s raining, i didn’t get enough sleep, no coffee this morning, a HUGE stack of bills, people hogging the brain slicing machines at work (which throws all my plans into disarray for today), and last but not least, severe depression seems to be setting in yet again. good thing i never got off my pills, huh?

nothing exciting to report, at least not in this funk. i need to make more stuff to put up on my store, but i also need to buy my dad a kickass birthday present, since friday is his (51st) birthday.

stupid, stupid money. my first ever student loan bill came in today. it is a lot, and i think it’s just one of two. i consolidated, but i have so many loans that they had to be broken into separate consolidation loans. whatever.

i’m so freakin’ tired. i just want to sleep until my life goes back to normal. no bills, the boy and i living in the same town, mom alive, everything. brother still in town, dad happy, and me less disillusioned by science. i want to sleep forever.

spacedi said…

Aww, hey, I hope you feel better! I left a comment on your last post with my number if you want to visit while I’m here. I’m leaving early Thursday morning. If you aren’t feeling good though and you don’t want to have to call or do anything, I completely understand that. I hope your day gets better.

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