*cough cough*

September 25, 2008 at 6:01 pm (Uncategorized)

stupid stupid lab tried to freakin’ kill me today! who the hell fills up a funnel with toxic chemicals if it is obviously clogged?? when i was asked to go fix it, the stupid overfilled and overly heavy funnel fell over and spilled all over me and, more importantly, out of the hood, so the stupid and incredibly toxic fumes flooded the lab and my face. so, clean up, clean up, clean up, talk to health and safety, blah blah…then the boss walks into the lab, notes that even though the chemical has been cleaned up it still smells like it in the lab (which means the toxic fumes are still present) and i’m taking responsibility and finishing clean up of our animal work that day, even though i shouldn’t have to, that i need to stay in the lab even longer and make a solution for an undergrad. even though i almost died. and the student could’ve made it himself.

let me reiterate. almost died, people! my nose and eyes hurt for hours. and only two people in lab, out of twenty, asked me later if i was still ok. and my boss wants to have a meeting tomorrow “to discuss today’s
events,” because she has “some constructive ideas for moving forward.” or in other words, yell at me for other people’s mistakes. or give me more work to deal with other people’s mistakes, rather than punishing those that make said mistakes.

in case there is anyone out there who is actually concerned, i am ok, i think. i left early to go home and shower but i’m terrified of napping, in case some lingering trace of the chemical is hiding in my lungs and kills me in my sleep.

in seemingly but not really unrelated news, i applied for two jobs working for an environmental agency, and on the same day, i ran into an old professor who i always got along with, who happens to know people who work at said agency and he’s going to put in a good word for me…come on, interviews! i gotta get out of this lab!

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real life is real stupid

September 22, 2008 at 6:17 pm (Uncategorized)

my stupid interview was today. there’s a good chance i’ll get offered the job, but i don’t want it. it pays more, but the prof is a big jerk. on purpose, apparently! we were barely into the interview and he made a big deal about how my plan for my life sucked. yeah, i know dude. my plan for life didn’t work out. i don’t want to be a professor (which he agreed with, the system sucks), so my options for a “career” suck. also, that job would involve a lot more animal work than i do now, which is no good. and their lab is even bigger than my current job. i didn’t know that was possible!

stupid, stupid jobs, stupid interviews, stupid money, stupid life. but, i don’t want to get depressed over this. i’m going to apply for more state jobs, like environmental positions maybe. the universe needs to cross its fingers for me. seriously. i’m ready for a break!

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warning: this is a rant

September 20, 2008 at 3:17 pm (rants)

aaaaaargh! there are many perks to working on a major university campus. it’s big, it has lots of cool things to do, lots of art everywhere, random free food, etc., etc. but, there are downfalls, too. today’s rant is dedicated to all the damn football people who hijack my campus and want to charge me $20 to park at my own damn building on those unfortunate occasions when i have to go to work on a game day.


let me reiterate: aaaaaaargh!!! i work here, and it’s already hard enough to park or commute into campus during the week. most of you damn tailgaters didn’t even go to school here, and yet you get preferential treatment? my university is supposed to be one of the top 10 research universities in the damn world…so let me get to work and do my damn research! it’s not like any of the damn football money goes to the science departments. if it did, i might have slightly more sympathy. but no, football always gets put before the sciences- for example, a new biomedical research building was just built on campus, and was completed a couple months ago. a few weeks later, part of the football stadium finished its own construction, but wasn’t open for a while. so, who gets their internet and phones turned on first? is it the building where people are already working, the building that was completed first? no, of course not. it was the damn football stadium. now my own lab gets pushed even further back on the list of stuff we’ve requested the physical plant help us with. all for stupid football fans.


don’t get me wrong, i have no beef with football players, mostly, even though most of them wouldn’t know what a hormone was even if it bit them in the ass. i was in marching band, and i mostly liked it, so i know games are fun, and everyone works hard. but i work hard now, too, and all i ask is that you damn fans let me get to work and do my job. no, i will not let you into my secured building just because you are here for the game. no, i will not wear my school colors on purpose (actually, i tend to always be wearing the opposite team’s colors…oops. also not on purpose). no, i will not stick around and watch the game at one of the gillions of bars around campus, and cheer for random reasons while ogling the waitress. my school spirit is expressed by doing my research hard and well, giving up precious weekend time to complete an experiment even though i don’t get paid to, and generally contributing to that fancy title of being a super awesome research institution. so give me a break, i just want to get to work, do my job, and go home.


in other, mildly related news, i have an interview on monday!! it’s for a fancy pants lab that looks at viruses and other microbes as  delivery systems for drugs/therapy for cancer, etc. very fancy. we’ll see how it goes. the grad students in my own lab continue to think i am lazy and incompetent, and while my boss always tells me how great my work is and how no one knows how hard i work but her, i continue to be rankled. so much so that i understand that the last sentance didn’t make any sense, and i don’t care.

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metaphor smeataphor

September 19, 2008 at 5:48 pm (Uncategorized)

the other night, my dad and i were talking about the show house. we both agree it is a great show, but how it occasionally makes us cry for reasons that probably might not affect most people. the last episode i watched on purpose had a scene where the doctors mentioned that they needed to do a heart transplant, but they didn’t have a heart, so house said something like “let’s go down to the er, there’s some fool who didn’t wear their seat belt with a heart that we’ll be able to claim.” something like that. then, it suddenly cuts to a scene of an er with a women who had just been in a car crash who they were fighting to save. she was the same age, body type, etc, etc as my mom. it was very, very traumatic for me, and i haven’t been able to watch house since.

my dad mentioned that the same thing happened to him with the episode he watched this week- at the end of the episode, someone talks about how the pain of losing a loved one will go with you every where, and it upset my dad. when we talked about it, i tried to explain to him how i feel about the pain of losing my mom, and i just got it all jumbled up and crazy sounding. since then, i’ve figured out what my pain is really like:

my pain is like this tree. something traumatic happened (for me, mom dying; for the tree, a sign being nailed into it). no matter what people who have never lost their mom say, the pain (or for the tree, the sign) will always be there. it doesn’t go away, even with time. all that can happen, if you want to keep from going crazy, is that you have to grow around it. you change because of the pain, and it never goes away, but you do heal over it, around it, in spite of it. if for no other reason, you have to keep growing, because there are others (for me, my dad, brother, the boy; for the tree, the squirrels, birds, etc) who depend on you for strength if nothing else. you’re never whole, really, that pain is still there, and it hurts forever, but it is a part of you. a dirty, ugly, rusty part of you.

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omg omg omg omg omg omg….

September 14, 2008 at 9:12 pm (crafts, the boy) ()

the boy gave me my birthday present a month early, because he was so excited about what he had gotten me:

holy moly, a freakin’ ebook reader. i’ve only totally coveted this since i learned of its creation! now i can always have a fresh book on me! we all know how i hate to be bored, and now when i finish a book someplace where i don’t have access to my bookshelves, i’ll have more books with me!! oh my goodness, i’m such a nerd. but such a happy, happy nerd! i’ve even managed to make a crafty mod for it:

it’s a fancy slip case! i made it out of a dvd slip case and some awesome corduroy fabric (the picture doesn’t do it justice, it is freakin’ awesome fabric). i know it seems like overkill, since the reader has a snazzy case already, but things have a tendency to get a little banged up after entering my purse, and i don’t want that to happen to my reader. omg. my reader. deep breaths, meg, deep breaths…

in other, less omg news, stuff is happening. hurricane ike came and went, chasing my friends from grad school away from port aransas, which ended up not getting hit. my friend “finn” stayed with us for a couple days, which was fun. well, interesting, at least. he made me go to a country western club…shudder! he wanted a true texas experience (he’s from japan, but has been here four years now), so we went to the broken spoke, a possibly famous bar in south austin. it was like we stepped into a creepy western stereotype movie, let me tell you. the guy taking the cover charge was a super tall, super thin cowboy dude, like no other cowboy i have ever seen, but not in a good way- i’m pretty sure he was missing some teeth, and he had a huge magnum mustache. finn was the only asian person in the place. after watching the band and the dancers for a few dances, we decided that we should dance, too- afterall, you gotta do the two step if you live in texas, right? and how hard could it be? i’d only done it one other time, and that was with a super drunk, super handsy new zealander dude in a bar with maybe 15 people in it at most. i dragged finn out on the dance floor amidst maybe 50 people, and we tried to two step…it’s hard!!! we were one the floor for all of 5 steps and got run into twice, and my foot got smushed by some old broad in boots. it wasn’t like any other dancing experiences i’d had, where no one cares if you suck or not- these people glared and continued to try to run into me. the band was good, though! and now i know what the fuss is about at broken spoke…and don’t need to go back!

my grandparents and my uncle and his family did not decide to evacuate…and they live in houston. silly people, they could’ve stayed with one of us (me, my dad, the boy’s fam). they are all ok, but my uncle’s garage got smushed by a tree. the worst of it is that the home where my grandparents live (gah, which sucks, by the way…grr) is turning its people out because there’s no power…so where do my grandparents go??? i don’t know. i’ll have to talk to my dad later to see. we hate the lady that runs that home anyway- she runs it more like an elder hostel than a retirement home, and even though she says she has experience with alzheimer’s (my grandma has it BAD), she’s actually kicking my grandparents out in a month anyway, because my grandma is just “too much.” i hope my dad and uncles sue the shit out of her.

in job news, i applied for a new position today. i haven’t decided how i feel about it, though. it’s in another lab on campus, and is basically the same thing i do now, but not in hormones. hm. i love hormones, but it’s not like i’m getting anything meaningful out of this job. just lots of stress, really. the job i applied for today pays $1000 more a month than my current job…stupid unregulated science. it also says the pay is negotiable, depending on qualifications. well, i’ve basically got experience in all the methods that lab uses, so maybe i could make even more…assuming i get an interview, and that i don’t blow the interview. i don’t exactly have a spotless record for making great impressions. plus, would i really leave my lab? most of the grad students suck, but the boss is cool…mostly. she’s really into lip service, though, so i never really know what’s going on in her head. plus have i mentioned that most of the grad students suck? it’s been a year and a half and they still have zero respect for me.

oh! i almost forgot! my stupid old grad adviser has all the sudden started talking to me again! it’s only been over two years since he basically told me my research was worthless and unpublishable, but now that the d-bag has a teaching position at a community college rather than a research position at a real school, he’s all into finishing my work. in the words of my recently parented brother, he can suck my big toe. i don’t have the time or resources to spend pretending that he doesn’t suck.

i think i’ll go read. real life can suck it.

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dear lab…

September 10, 2008 at 12:47 pm (rants) ()

dear lab.

why do you suck? it seems you have come back around to blaming all of your issues on me. i am merely a staff member, do not get mad at me for being done with school. i manage you, and i manage you right, so stop whining. don’t make me go find a new job, ’cause i will if it comes to it. people are hiring, and they pay more than you do. oh yes. and i am more than qualified to go work for those people who would pay me more. so shut it and suck it.



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maintaining my anonymity

September 8, 2008 at 8:46 pm (Uncategorized) ()

look at me! i migrated to wordpress! now i can write about work and the boy with out them knowing…at least for while.

and for your viewing pleasure, my lovely kiwi. i don’t think i’ve blogged about him yet, but he is the newest addition to our furry family. ever since clio died i knew i had to find a new friend for moon, and here he is:

he is pretty and he totally knows it. don’t let that cute face fool you, he’s really bit of a bimbo!

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