metaphor smeataphor

September 19, 2008 at 5:48 pm (Uncategorized)

the other night, my dad and i were talking about the show house. we both agree it is a great show, but how it occasionally makes us cry for reasons that probably might not affect most people. the last episode i watched on purpose had a scene where the doctors mentioned that they needed to do a heart transplant, but they didn’t have a heart, so house said something like “let’s go down to the er, there’s some fool who didn’t wear their seat belt with a heart that we’ll be able to claim.” something like that. then, it suddenly cuts to a scene of an er with a women who had just been in a car crash who they were fighting to save. she was the same age, body type, etc, etc as my mom. it was very, very traumatic for me, and i haven’t been able to watch house since.

my dad mentioned that the same thing happened to him with the episode he watched this week- at the end of the episode, someone talks about how the pain of losing a loved one will go with you every where, and it upset my dad. when we talked about it, i tried to explain to him how i feel about the pain of losing my mom, and i just got it all jumbled up and crazy sounding. since then, i’ve figured out what my pain is really like:

my pain is like this tree. something traumatic happened (for me, mom dying; for the tree, a sign being nailed into it). no matter what people who have never lost their mom say, the pain (or for the tree, the sign) will always be there. it doesn’t go away, even with time. all that can happen, if you want to keep from going crazy, is that you have to grow around it. you change because of the pain, and it never goes away, but you do heal over it, around it, in spite of it. if for no other reason, you have to keep growing, because there are others (for me, my dad, brother, the boy; for the tree, the squirrels, birds, etc) who depend on you for strength if nothing else. you’re never whole, really, that pain is still there, and it hurts forever, but it is a part of you. a dirty, ugly, rusty part of you.

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