high school all over again- but this time i'm ready

October 30, 2008 at 9:47 am (life in general, thoughts and musings)

hahaha! i think i’m officially the “social outcast” in my lab! all at the behest of the queen bee, i’m sure. that’s actually a good thing- now, if/when i find a super great paying job, it’ll be that much easier to leave this one behind.

i’ve never fit into any groups, at any point in my life. i’ve always been the odd girl who does crazy stuff. in school, this of course led to me being picked on, etc, but never stopped me from doing my own thing and loving my hobbies. in seventh grade, my latin teacher asked everyone in class to talk about what they got for xmas, etc. i was really excited that i had gotten a microscope, so i said so- and the whole class laughed at me. in sixth grade, my incredibly politically incorrect science teacher asked us to raise our hands if we supported abortion- i was the only person in class who did so, and she pounced on me. the only place where i started to find people like me was in band in high school, but even then it was hard to find people who loved playing their instrument for the shear joy of it, like i did. most people seemed to take it just so they could get out of gym and get into football games for free, or because their parents made them. or even just so they could belong to something.

now that i’m all old (haha) i’m actually proud of myself for always sticking to my guns. someone once asked me “do you ever hate yourself?” and i was flabbergasted by the question. how can you hate yourself? i had to learn the hard way that in life, you are the only absolute for yourself. you are the only person you can fully trust- people have their own agendas, all the time, and if you put your faith in others you will most likely be let down. not that i’m a massive pessimist, quite the contrary- i’m usually a cheerful optimist. but i only really became an optimist when i “came into myself”- when i realized that i like who i am and that i have to be strong for myself. i live with my mistakes and my accomplishments. there’s no point crying over spilled milk, people, what’s spilled is spilled- just mop it up and get ready to face the next spill. one of the strongest and hardest lessons i had to learn after my mom died was to not ask why in some situations- just be ready to face whatever is next. and always take joy where you can, because there are those people and situations out there that will try their hardest to break you down. just like high school.

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2 Comments

  1. E said,

    I am odd too!
    I don’t fit in here, it makes me lonely though…..

  2. Ida said,

    Isn’t it funny how everly clique-ish situation in our pseudo-adult life always has its foundation in high-school culture?

    I’m riding the same tide in a different boat. There’s got to be more to this, right?

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