letter to a labmate

February 2, 2009 at 1:41 pm (Uncategorized)

you know who you are. if you bothered with logic at all, i could tell you these things in person instead of resorting to blogging.

how dare you criticize me as a scientist, in front of one of my peers no less. how dare you attack my character by saying that i “have not been reacting well” to things lately, while you, just the day before, reamed me verbally while picking apart my integrity as a scientist over something so tiny and insignificant. your patronizing lectures insult my dignity, and disrespect me in ways that no one has ever done before. i have not felt such insane anger as this in quite a long time, no even when my mother died at the hands of some unknown stranger. you humiliated me by spouting words at me that triggered a nervous breakdown where i tried to claw out my eyes in the shower- no one should have that power over me, and i hate you all the more for this. how dare you pity me when, in a moment of weakness i told you things about myself and my depression and childhood that only a privileged few have heard before, and then continued to pity me for days after under the guise of being a real friend. you betrayed my trust, my friendship, and my respect, if that is possible, and i wash my hands of you.

you are a wizened, sad old man, and while you hide behind your viel of “wah, my wife left me” that everyone seems to think justifies everything you say or do, i fill my mind with thoughts and dreams of being a good, respected scientist, no matter what has happened to me recently. i see you truly now, as an insecure, lonely, petty person whose main joy in life is bringing others down. i am done with you.

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