Only 2 and a half more months until I am DONE WITH RAT VAGINAS FOREVER!!!

March 16, 2009 at 9:46 am (jinxing myself, just pure awesome)

Holy crap, people, I got into my fancy-shmancy teaching certification program!! Out of over 1100 applicants, only 150 are chosen and I am one of those nerds!! I’m so freakin’ happy, you have no idea. I’ve never gone into this before on this blog, because it’s sorta gross in the abstract and I’m scared of PETA, but I work with rat vaginas a lot.* Long story short, looking at the cells of the rat vagina tell us what reproductive cycle the rat is in- it’s not like we can ask the rats, “hey, are you crampy? Do you want some chocolate? Do you hate yourself?**” to find out if they are fertile or not. So, I have to examine rat vaginas. For a living. A lot. While my allergies try to kill me and my brain is screaming “GROSS. What is that?? GROOOOOOOOSS!”

But the silver lining is that unless I die of rat dander induced anaphylactic shock in the next two months, the end is in sight!! I’ll be leaving the lab FINALLY in June to go learn to be a teacher!  I’ll take surly high school kids over toxic rat vaginas*** and bastard grad students any day. Especially since it pays waaaaaaay more.

I have much more to blog about, including drunk squirrels, a burlesque show, Spamalot, etc, but it’ll have to wait, I have another 27 rat vaginas to assess…only 2 and a half more months, only 2 and a half more months…

*Just to clarify, they are still attached to intact, live rats at the time. It’s totally painless to the rats, and in fact after a few days they start to really enjoy it. Like I said, GROSS.

**I don’t know if this happens to anyone else but I totally have shit self esteem when I’m fertile, or just after. What’s up with that? Evolutionarily, that makes no sense what so ever.

***How awesome a band name is “Toxic Rat Vaginas”? Total lady punk, we-hate-dudes type music, I think. Not that I hate dudes, I’m rather fond of them, actually, so much so that I had an awkward dream about a hot professor. And by awkward I mean he walked around in a speedo a lot and I blushed and ran away. Which is actually what I would do in real life.  Because I’m awesome like that.



  1. Vic said,

    Who gets to put “Rat Vagina Inspector” on their resume? YOU, that’s who!! So gross, and yet so cool.

    Congratulations on getting into the program! High school students can be disgusting, but not usually that disgusting, so things are looking up.

  2. Kurt said,

    You so need a medal for glorious triumphs in the field of rat vaginas before you go. Maybe an awards banquet with rat vagina themed centerpieces. Please get me tickets. Please get me tickets!

  3. Steam Me Up, Kid said,

    “I’ve never gone into this before because it’s sort of gross in the abstract”?

    For the love of God, woman!! *shaking you by the shoulders*

    I would swab a rat’s vagina for the sole reason of being able to blog about it later, and you’ve been sitting on this goldmine and haven’t said a word for how long now?

    For shame.

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