invasion of the laurel-crocodile hybrids

March 20, 2009 at 2:34 pm (i promise i was not drunk when i wrote this, weirdness abounds)

Today someone came and got the larval jabberwocky that have been living in my apartment walls for about a month and it turned out they were actually just one really fat squirrel, which sorta explains why that “drunk” squirrel has been haunting me recently. Obviously I’ve been targeted by some international squirrel conspiracy and I’m under 24 hour squirrel surveillance. Well, screw you, squirrel dudes! What will you do now, huh? The exterminator guy said he was going to drive out five miles and then release you back into the wild, what are you going to do about that?? All I know is that now my cats will have to find a new reason to stare at the walls and freak me out.

In other news, there are mutant trees on my campus. Exhibit A:
A nice, normal laurel bush, right? Well, observe Exhibit B:
I’m not sure if this picture does it justice but those sure look like crocodile hands to me! And they are growing out of the tree!! Now, I’m not a plant person and I’m much too lazy to look it up, but this does not seem normal. So what we have on our hands is a laurel-croc hybrid! Scourge of campuses everywhere or at least mine! And by scourge I mean no one has noticed it but me. But that’s just how I roll- I’m always looking out for you people, watching for monsters.

Speaking of clueless masses, I’d like to address my coworker…

Dear AlphaTroll,
We are not friends. You called me a narrow-minded bitch and said that everyone in lab hated me when I told you it was not cool to make people cry, so stop acting like we’re all cool now because if this grackle represents how I normally feel about you:
then this is how I feel when you act like we’re buddies all the sudden:

My emotions get all pissed and fluffed out in anger. Suck it. Mostly, though, I just keeping thinking “two and a half more months until I’m gone and you’re screwed!” so suck it some more.

By the way, for all you doubting Dennises (i.e. MY DAD) I totally take all the weird ass pictures you see on my blog, be they enraged grackels, drunk squirrels, or operatic turtles. Just so you know.



  1. Steam Me Up, Kid said,

    You are the first blog ever in the history of the world to represent your emotions with a photo of a ruffled bird.

    Your exterminator is a dirty liar, by the way.

  2. Vic said,

    I want a crocodile tree! I want it now! (Please imagine this with a British accent and a whiny tone. Knee socks are optional.)

  3. Kurt said,

    You live in a sci-fi movie.
    And expressing your feelings with birds is the most eloquent thing I’ve ever seen. You’re pretty much a genius of communication.

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