one panic attack later…

June 21, 2009 at 9:49 pm (Uncategorized)

Holy moly, what a week. No time for prose, must list instead:

1). I reconnected a friend who I totally cannot read- is he annoyed with me for wanting to hang out with me? He seems it, yet he keeps showing up. I refuse to believe he was more interesting in 6th grade than he is now, but this may be a lost cause. He actually contacted me about teaching jobs through the magic of Facebook and we’ve hung out a couple times since then, but each time I get the feeling he cannot wait to get outta there. Whatever. It’s hard enough pulling answers from my students, I don’t need that kind of interaction with people in my personal life as well.

2). I discovered a type of beer that doesn’t make me want to throw up immediately: heffeweisen! Yum.

3). At the beginning of this week the major school district affiliated with my teaching program declared a hiring freeze- not good, considering most of us were counting on getting hired by them. So, the program said we didn’t have to stick to our affiliated districts any more, and that instead we could apply where ever we wanted. So, a few days later, after finally getting a moment to myself, I started looking at charter schools in my city, and sending off resumes randomly, not expecting much but wanting to get them out of the way before I did the big applications for districts outside of town. Twenty minutes after I sent a specific school my resume, a principal called me to schedule an interview- for that afternoon. I went after my teaching classes, had the first interview where I didn’t walk away feeling completely dumb about my answers, and went to go get very drunk with my classmates while playing minigolf. Several very intoxicated hours later, I check my email…and I had been offered the job. Within twelve hours of sending my resume. HOLY CRAP. Talk about a confidence booster!

It’s not all roses and sunshine, though…I have to teach Physics and Chemistry, instead of Biology like I was hoping. It’s actually probably better this way, though- less contraversial subject matter, more concrete experiments, and NO RAT CARCASSES. Also, this school has an amazing schedule that involves a two week fall break, right around my birthday. Holy moly…for that I alone I can forgive them for making me write my own curriculum for each of the classes.

I HAVE A JOB!!! HOLY CRAP! After busting my ass for a year and a half trying to get a new science job, just two weeks after starting to find a science teaching job I AM HIRED. I’m so excited, I think I’ll go to be a half an hour early today in celebration (something that teachers appreciate, believe me!).

Also, I saw this after lesson planning all day Saturday at a coffee shop:

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Please tell me someone else sees that thing sneaking up on that poor, unsuspecting house, about to give it a major karate chop…

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Epiphanies

June 16, 2009 at 9:18 pm (Uncategorized)

1. Teaching isn’t as hard as I had thought it would be. My students this summer are actually really interested in our lessons, and are really smart!! My supervising teacher, however, is a pain the ass.
2. If for some reason I do not get a job in the fall, I can always fall back on becoming a medical technologist.
3. I AM LONELY. This is leading to all sorts of psychological issues that I really shouldn’t have to be dealing with as a new teacher. Stupid boy has no sympathy for my busy-ass teaching schedule and barely interacts with me the two hours I’m actually home and conscious. I’m thinking about curling up in a ball in the closet and crying my eyes out. Maybe then I can work on becoming an actual functioning part of society. Or I can just stop trying to be social and just collapse into myself. That leads to a renewed interest in self harm, which was hard enough to deal with grad school when no one relied on me, so how can I deal with that now that I have students? Not to mention people I “have” to socialize with as a new teacher. Hello, more medication…but will any really renew my self-worth? I basically haven’t had any in…I don’t even know how many years. Four? Five? Definitely not since my mom died and my brain went all sorts of wonky and never really recovered. Dammit, monkeys are social, what the hell is wrong with me?? I tried to hang out with a friend who I haven’t seen in 15 years and instead of catching up and being in anyway a normal human being I basically threw myself at him and screamed “I HOPE YOU STILL LIKE ME!” but over the course of an hour. The poor guy had to drink three pints to put up with me.

Must go plan lessons now. No more time for self reflection and self pity…

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gah!! so overwhelmed!! Also some pictures.

June 10, 2009 at 7:12 pm (animal behavior, art?, cats, life in general, teach this!)

Oh my moly. Things are a-happenin’!

-I finally left the lab- woohoo!! No more rats and disgruntled grad students for me!! Unfortunately this also means no more income…
-I started my teaching certificate program- it is simultaneously incredibly frustrating and exciting. It’s frustrating because so much emphasis is put on this rule system that the program is based on, rather than the ins and outs of how to teach, which is what I really need to know. Additionally, apparently some of the people in the program are catty bi-oches*, because it’s only the second day of the program and I’ve already basically been told someone is talking crap about me. Awesome. Can’t get enough. Bring it, fools, you’re just jealous of my mad science background.
-I start teaching for real next Wednesday. Sure, it’s “student teaching,” but I’m actually teaching the lesson, making lesson plans, directing labs, grading, etc, so the only difference I see is that I’ll be under supervision the whole time. Plus I’m so excited about teaching that I keep volunteering for things when I should be just sitting back and watching. But this is good, right? ‘Cause no one will ever forget who I am this way…of course, they’ll all think I’m a nutcase, but at least they’ll never forget me…

In other news, we have a new addition to our household:
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Chomsky! The incredibly intense bearded dragon! My friend is moving out of the country and wanted Chomksy to go to a good home rather than being sold back to the pet store, so he became ours. I was worried the cats would freak him out, but since the second day he’s been here, he’s basically just ignored him. They cats, on the other hand, can’t get enough of him, especially during “daylight” hours when the heat lamp is on and he’s up and moving around.

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That’s big ol’ Kiwi, showing some love by sleeping on top of poor Chomsky’s terrarium, even though I’ve chased him off of there 248952720 times already. Little bastard. Cute, but still a bastard.

I had more pictures to post, of shops shaped like cupcakes and giant teddy bear statues that must induce nightmares (both of these things I saw in town recently…) but I am tired and I still have to write a syllabus and lesson plans and read some case studies and this and that and…

*i don’t know how you actually spell this word but I think my point still gets across so I’m comfortable in my ignorance in this area.

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