Epiphanies

June 16, 2009 at 9:18 pm (Uncategorized)

1. Teaching isn’t as hard as I had thought it would be. My students this summer are actually really interested in our lessons, and are really smart!! My supervising teacher, however, is a pain the ass.
2. If for some reason I do not get a job in the fall, I can always fall back on becoming a medical technologist.
3. I AM LONELY. This is leading to all sorts of psychological issues that I really shouldn’t have to be dealing with as a new teacher. Stupid boy has no sympathy for my busy-ass teaching schedule and barely interacts with me the two hours I’m actually home and conscious. I’m thinking about curling up in a ball in the closet and crying my eyes out. Maybe then I can work on becoming an actual functioning part of society. Or I can just stop trying to be social and just collapse into myself. That leads to a renewed interest in self harm, which was hard enough to deal with grad school when no one relied on me, so how can I deal with that now that I have students? Not to mention people I “have” to socialize with as a new teacher. Hello, more medication…but will any really renew my self-worth? I basically haven’t had any in…I don’t even know how many years. Four? Five? Definitely not since my mom died and my brain went all sorts of wonky and never really recovered. Dammit, monkeys are social, what the hell is wrong with me?? I tried to hang out with a friend who I haven’t seen in 15 years and instead of catching up and being in anyway a normal human being I basically threw myself at him and screamed “I HOPE YOU STILL LIKE ME!” but over the course of an hour. The poor guy had to drink three pints to put up with me.

Must go plan lessons now. No more time for self reflection and self pity…

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2 Comments

  1. E said,

    I like you and I think you are social.

  2. Anonymous Alice said,

    I love you, so throw yourself at me sometime.

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