gah!! so overwhelmed!! Also some pictures.

June 10, 2009 at 7:12 pm (animal behavior, art?, cats, life in general, teach this!)

Oh my moly. Things are a-happenin’!

-I finally left the lab- woohoo!! No more rats and disgruntled grad students for me!! Unfortunately this also means no more income…
-I started my teaching certificate program- it is simultaneously incredibly frustrating and exciting. It’s frustrating because so much emphasis is put on this rule system that the program is based on, rather than the ins and outs of how to teach, which is what I really need to know. Additionally, apparently some of the people in the program are catty bi-oches*, because it’s only the second day of the program and I’ve already basically been told someone is talking crap about me. Awesome. Can’t get enough. Bring it, fools, you’re just jealous of my mad science background.
-I start teaching for real next Wednesday. Sure, it’s “student teaching,” but I’m actually teaching the lesson, making lesson plans, directing labs, grading, etc, so the only difference I see is that I’ll be under supervision the whole time. Plus I’m so excited about teaching that I keep volunteering for things when I should be just sitting back and watching. But this is good, right? ‘Cause no one will ever forget who I am this way…of course, they’ll all think I’m a nutcase, but at least they’ll never forget me…

In other news, we have a new addition to our household:
Chomsky! The incredibly intense bearded dragon! My friend is moving out of the country and wanted Chomksy to go to a good home rather than being sold back to the pet store, so he became ours. I was worried the cats would freak him out, but since the second day he’s been here, he’s basically just ignored him. They cats, on the other hand, can’t get enough of him, especially during “daylight” hours when the heat lamp is on and he’s up and moving around.

That’s big ol’ Kiwi, showing some love by sleeping on top of poor Chomsky’s terrarium, even though I’ve chased him off of there 248952720 times already. Little bastard. Cute, but still a bastard.

I had more pictures to post, of shops shaped like cupcakes and giant teddy bear statues that must induce nightmares (both of these things I saw in town recently…) but I am tired and I still have to write a syllabus and lesson plans and read some case studies and this and that and…

*i don’t know how you actually spell this word but I think my point still gets across so I’m comfortable in my ignorance in this area.

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Exactly how does our species continue to reproduce?!?

April 29, 2009 at 7:39 pm (animal behavior, boobs., crafts, focus of my ire)

I’m a very nice person, people. Any time someone needs help, I will nearly fall over myself to get you what you need. That’s just who I am. Today, a guy walked up to me and asked where the bus stop for the bus going in the opposite direction was. I smiled nicely and told him he’d have to walk all the way around the block, that bus didn’t even go down this street, but if he took this shortcut…etc. What did he do? Did he do the polite, “normal” thing most humans do when they are helped out?

NO! The fucker said, “Oh wow, wanna hang out?”

I admit, I was confused for a moment, because that was way not what I was expecting. My response was, “Um, no, I’m married.”

Cool guy’s reply? “You’ve got some great breasts.”

Fan-fucking-tastic. I think I said something like “Yeah, I know” and fortunately the bus pulled up just then so I could escape…except cool guy followed me on to the bus, stammering “oh, I didn’t mean that, I’m just stressed from school and stuff…” I made sure to sit at the back of the bus, where there were basically no seats…and he followed me, so he could ask the ever important question, “Hey, do you have any friends I could hang out with?”


Ever the polite Texas girl when stressed, I think I laughed awkwardly and said “no, I’m basically a nerd.” Cool guy still didn’t get it- he then said “hey, we could hang out and play chess! You could just wear a blanket! You seem really interesting, you know, not just because of your tits!”

Thank GOODNESS he then had to get off the bus (but not without first giving me his myspace page! How classy!). I don’t know how long I could hold back my flabbergastery* and rage. What the hell?? Do those lines work? From what I hear, they must, because apparently there are no classy guys out there. Well, maybe Kurt.  Um, or not. E and I are going to give up on men altogether and get a house in which we can live as sexy spinsters and have sexy-but-mute cabana boys bring us big pretty drinks in our hammocks while we knit while listening to audiobooks and watching the cats play. Suck it, men. If you, as a gender, do not get your shit together and learn how to talk to people as normal adults are supposed to, you are losing two freaking sexy and, most importantly, incredibly smart and talented ladies to a world you will not even be allowed to glimpse (unless you are our cabana boy. Who instead of being mute is actually a student of either neurobiology or physiology and very smart and knows just how fucking annoying it is to hear about our damn tits all the time). The sadest part about this event is that I probably will experience many more situations in this vein as a teacher. Specifically as a teacher with breasts. I can only hope the male teachers I work with will at least be civil- the ones I’ve met from my program so far are really cool, so perhaps there is hope for the male gender and the species as a whole.

I was going to come home and craft something with really big, sharp, stupid-boy-crushing teeth, but I’m tired. I’m in the middle of another major insomnia run and it is starting to kick my ass. It’s totally a result of both how excited I am about my new career** and how freaked out I am when I actually realize that, oh, crap, I’m going to be teaching. Teaching students. Students who will basically only stare at my breasts and when they fail and I have to have conferences with their parents about it, their parents will either yell at me and make me cry or just stare at my breasts. Or a combination of the two. GAH.

Anyway, earlier in the week I embroidered something that fits my mood very well right now, based on a pattern I found on an amazing artist’s site:


Don’t fuck with this angry pegasus, man, he will tromp all over you. And there will probably be pony poo involved. Grrr…

In a related side note, I just want to mention how much I love embroidery…it’s like tracing and/or coloring, but with needles…


*I’m totally claiming this is a real word.

**Only 4 more weeks of lab left!!

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and now for something completely different

March 18, 2009 at 1:20 pm (animal behavior, art?, austin awesome, just pure awesome, life in general, weirdness abounds)

Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce… Turtle Opera.

No, I have no idea what he/she* is doing, but my guess is opera because it isn’t turtle mating season yet. You can tell some of the turtles on campus want to be ninja turtles when they grow up, though:
He/she’s totally working his/her biceps.

And I stick by my theory that too much of anything gets a little creepy, aka swarms are gross and too many turtles start to look disturbingly like bugs:

which is probably why this guy/gal decided to make a break for it:
This is how I imagine these turtles are interacting:

Big turtle: Noooo! Take me with you!
Little turtle: Screw you, I need to be free! Also you don’t share your algae/fish/french fries/whatever turtles eat with me! Goodbye forever! Or at least until I chicken out and jump back into the water!

The best thing about red-eared slider turtles? This:
Turtle smile!

*short of cutting it open, I have no idea how to sex a turtle unless I am watching them mate**.

**I probably need to clarify that I mean watching it mate with another turtle. You crazy readers…***

***I should probably further clarify that I am not some crazy who goes around watching turtles mate on purpose, I just see it at zoos or on TV or in the above turtle population sometimes and if you have never seen a turtle couple getting it on, you should google it because that shit is HILARIOUS. ****

****”that shit is hilarious” is totally a scientific phrase. Also, there’s this:
Interesting street art is almost as cool as crazy opera turtles in my book.

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Squirrel behavior, part 2- the scientific method

March 16, 2009 at 10:18 pm (animal behavior, i promise i was not drunk when i wrote this, insomnia, jinxing myself, simply flabbergasted, weirdness abounds)

We all know I loves me some science, as long as rat vaginas are not directly involved. Last week I posited the question, “what is this squirrel thinking?” and it turns out the correct answer was given by Kurt: “I think he’s plowed on fermented berries and is telling the tree “NO! No! I LOVE you, Man!!”.” This conclusion has since been supported by the following evidence.

This is normal squirrel behavior:
img_0821bShe’s* all “oh, hey, look, I’m a squirrel and I am foraging, looking all cute and stuff! If you are a scientist, back the fuck off! I know what you guys do in that lab of yours, you perverts!” You know, normal squirrel behavior.

This is how I found crazy squirrel the other day:
This is an instance of scientific observation that can only be described as “What the fuck??” I have been watching campus squirrels for almost 10 years now (sigh) and I have never seen crazy hangover-type behavior like this before. Oh, and he’s not dead- soon after I took this shot, he moved into a hole in the tree and proceeded to watch me, all creepy-drunk-peeping-tom-squirrel style:

So we can see that someone has been partying way too hard without inviting me, which is totally uncool because I had to molest many, many rats today and if anyone needs a drink, it’s me.  That or possibly that is an anti-gravity tree so he’s hanging on for dear life, and only barely made it to the hole before flying off into space. That’s how science works, people, you gotta examine all the possibilities.

Moral of the story? Not only do we have to watch out for scary jabberwocky trees, but also anti gravity trees and/or trees filled with hungover squirrels. It seems like trees were much safer when I was a kid and all they did was fling me to the ground at high rates of speed. I’m pretty sure my cocyx got broken once, but I never had to be on the lookout for drunk rodents! Also, while we’re on the subject of stuff and being old**, how come stuff takes so long now?? For example, it apparently has taken me 30 minutes to write this blog! I did have to adjust the pictures from their original 290844789 pixel size to something that wouldn’t crush the interwebs, but still, 30 minutes?!? And holy crap, studying takes me more time now, too! I’m brushing up*** on my physics for this massive test you have to take to be a science teacher in Texas, and it took me all night to read three chapters. Three chapters of easy stuff that I already know. How the hell did I do this in college??

Oh, right. I didn’t bother reading in college. Also I didn’t have a full time job. Also my brain wasn’t all higgedly-piggedly and in need of antidepressants. Also I have to get lots of sleep now in order to be fresh enough to face work and its crazies (including, yes, the rat vaginas. Don’t act like you didn’t want to hear about them again!), wheras in college as long as I got 5 hours I was just fine. Well, suck it. I don’t know who needs to suck it, specifically, but surely someone is in dire need of a good “suck it!”

I’m so tired. So many rat vaginas await me in the morning…

Time for sleep…

*It’s very easy to tell if a squirrel is a boy or girl. As Dr. FianceHusband puts it, the boys carry around an “air conditioning unit.” Seriously, their balls are bigger than their heads. Evolution- go figure!

**Old = 27 in my case = maybe I’m just lame.

***Brushing up = poking the brain cells that already know this stuff but went into hybernation once they figured out they were not needed for grad school. Hopefully the massive amounts of drinking I did in grad school did not kill those brain cells ’cause I need them now. Otherwise I might as well find myself a nice tree hole to live in and stock up on the rum!****

****That’s right, I will be teaching children soon (assuming I pass this test). I think now is a good time to look into homeschooling.

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