i can't roll my eyes back any further than this

February 2, 2009 at 12:02 pm (blog-a-day!, jinxing myself, rants, stupid grad school)

Long ago, this blog was started as a way for me to deal with losing my mom. It also turned into a way to vent about how much I hated grad school, and you can’t bitch about grad school without bitching about your adviser, right? I always thought it was funny when I got comments from friends in grad school in other places along the lines of “Wow, how come your program sucks so bad? Mine is great!” followed by, 6 months to a year later, “Holy crap, you were right, grad school sucks!” comments. ‘Cause face it, people, grad school really does suck. It is a special kind of torture that science students put themselves through in order to become either completely disillusioned* by science or to go so deeply into denial about how bad academic science is run that they become professors and propagate the crappiness inherent in the system. If you decide that the whole system of publish-or-perish is not worth dealing with get-grants-or-starve work that they never tell you about when you are in school dreaming about becoming a scientist, you skip the Ph.D. ritual and opt to become a tech rather than a prof.

One thing you realize in grad school is that every single mildly sane grad student has a hobby of some sort, which they didn’t start until they got to grad school. I was actually talking about this with my boss yesterday- she plays violin and has forever, but didn’t really get back into playing in quartets until she was in grad school. I took up crafting in grad school, and one of my labmates became obbessed with dog rescues while another started volunteering with an elder hostel…the list goes on and on. The madness induced by the frustrations of being a grad student have to be balanced by or taken out on some completely unrelated event. The people who I see burning themselves out on work and wanting to drop out of science completely are the ones with no outside interests at all.

ANYWAY, the point of this post was actually to talk about how my graduate adviser recently, after two years, got back in touch with me. We have a long (professional) history- he was my mentor when I was in college and I developed a serious hero worship complex with him- he did the kind of science I wanted to do and was passionate about the same animals I was (elamsobranchs- look it up, kids). Then I got to grad school and he was a major jerk. I’m talking serious favoritism to the my lab mates, who were boys and definite “cool kids,” while I was a lowly girl with serious depression issues in desperate need of guidance which I totally did not get. Needless to say, I graduated with some serious resentment towards him. I even have a comment about it on my Facebook page- something along the lines of “I am awesome now and my old adviser, who said I would never be awesome, can suck it.” Now, I would like to point out to the universe that Facebook is not a professional website. It is a silly place to catch up with friends and see who got fat. Thus my comment about what I do now vs. grad school- I want people to see that I do awesome science techniques now, despite being told in grad school that, and this is a direct quote, I was a “waste of resources” and “would never make it in the sciences” (my adviser had a temper tantrum at me, which hardened my resolve to continually think evil thoughts at him). On Facebook. Where it doesn’t matter.

So, recently, randomly, my adviser has gotten back in touch with me. On Facebook. Even though he has my email and phone number. So, my Facebook page is super secret private, so I knew he’d never see it. Plus I don’t care. It’s just Facebook. No one cares. But I forgot that when you message people on Facebook, they can see your page. Poop. Well, whatever, he knew there’s no love lost between us, since we haven’t communicate in two years.

*I was very confused about why I kept screwing up how to spell this word. Turns out I was writing “dis-solution-ed.” I am awesome.

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tired blog

January 15, 2009 at 11:22 pm (blog-a-day!, history of meg, mom)

We’ve been out all night on a car adventure of the not-so-fun variety (but everyone is ok) so no real post today. Instead, here is another picture of me in 19821-15-2009_006

I’m the little one on the left, though at first glance you wouldn’t know it, right? If you are confused, just look at any picture of me EVER and compare my profile to my mom’s:

noel-highschool-3That’s me in high school… and involves another long story for another day. Sleep time!

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happy meg!

January 14, 2009 at 10:51 pm (blog-a-day!, history of meg, just pure awesome)

I got a negative scanner for myself as a sorry-your-hard-drive-crashed-here’s-something-to-take-your-mind-off-it present. It is freakin’ awesome.

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That’s me and my dad in 1982 at the San Antonio zoo, straight from the negative. AWESOME.

PS- today is my and the boy’s 10th anniversary. Happy us!

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dear face,

January 13, 2009 at 10:56 pm (blog-a-day!, jinxing myself, life in general)

Um, hello. You do understand that we are 27, not 13, right? And that we practice very good hygiene now and have meetings and stuff where people look at us on a regular basis? So, what’s with the continuing acne problem, huh? Totally not cool, damnit, not cool at all.

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how to start your monday properly

January 12, 2009 at 10:30 am (blog-a-day!, cats, life in general, work shmork)

Step 1. Drink your coffee out of this mug:img_0323
Step 2: Drink lots of coffee from that mug.
Step 3: Put on your sexy boots, the amazing ones that don’t hurt your feet, even if they don’t really match your outfit.
Step 4: Spend a little extra time with the cats, especially if they are trying to sleep:

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Step 5: Repeat as needed.

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interesting mistake

January 11, 2009 at 6:06 pm (art?, blog-a-day!, history of meg)

I was going through some old baby photos and found a printing/processing mistake made by the film processors that actually looks really cool:

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I’m about a month old in this pic. And this is one of only a few pics where you can’t see how chubby a baby I was!

ps- this is my 200th post! Fancy!

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dear universe,

January 8, 2009 at 10:14 pm (blog-a-day!, continuing depression, jinxing myself, life in general)

I hate you. Even after you continue to take those I love from me, at least I had pictures to remember them by- which I have to have, because you also think it’s funny that I have a really awful memory. And then what do you do? You destroy my relatively new back up hard drive. All my pictures are lost, or at least a great number of them, along with my ebooks, music, comics, and all my masters work. Not only that, but my soul is wearing thin for all the rejection letters I keep getting from jobs. There is only so much “you’re great but we have some one better” I can take, even if it is just a form letter. Plus, I found out today the boy is ready to grab his stuff and leave me as soon as there is sign of trouble between us, without a second thought.

So, universe, just back the fuck off. Why are you suck a fucking bully? LEAVE ME ALONE.

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Snapshots of my soul

January 7, 2009 at 10:13 pm (about books, blog-a-day!, just pure awesome, life in general)

This blogging every day thing is hard! I’m not witty or interesting everyday! So, today I am cheating. So many people (2) commented on the bookshelves in the background of a recent Kiwi picture that I’ve decided to share my bookshelves with the world. I love looking at people’s bookshelves. I don’t trust people who don’t have any bookcases, or those people who hide their books. Have you seen those beds with storage underneath specifically for books? That bothers me. One time the boy suggested we take some of my books to Half Price and I nearly left him. Seriously. Once as a kid my brother threw a book at me and I was so mortified that he would do such a thing to a book that I didn’t even tattle on him. Not right away, anyway. The only thing that saddens me about using an ebook reader (oh so sexy…) is that I feel like now my bookshelves are being neglected. However, it will make it a bit easier to move!

Without (much) further ado, here are my most prominent bookcases. I was going to clean them up for this but then decided that would be dishonest- my shelves basically always look like this. If you click on the pictures they link to my Flickr pictures, which have details and tags, as well as some more pictures.

The fiction shelves:

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The (mostly) nonfiction shelves:
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I also have an impromptu “bookshelf” in the closet from textbook overflow when I wanted to claim a little bookshelf for crafting supplies:
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The boy’s bookshelf (I’m trying to get him to read more books-damn I think it’s sexy when boys read. He occasionally surprises me and says “Hey, I’m reading this random book I pulled this book off your shelf” but there’s never any rhyme or reason to why he picks a book):
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Now picture me exhaling a sigh of bliss….

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quickie blog

January 6, 2009 at 11:41 pm (art?, blog-a-day!)

I have a massive, actually interesting blog in the works for tomorrow, but for today, I leave you with this picture:img_3726I painted this picture of my lovely cat Clio several years ago…

That’s all for today! Come back tomorow!

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back to work

January 5, 2009 at 9:44 pm (blog-a-day!, cats, continuing depression, life in general, work shmork)

I had to go back to work today after two weeks off…sadly they were not a restful two weeks, since half the time was spent running around after family and the other half was spent being incredibly ill, but whatever. So, most of the time I actually really like work- we do cool research and most of the time I just get my assignments and do lots of work on my own, with out the boss breathing down my neck. I especially like work during intercession (the two weeks between the semesters)- no students mean I get lots of work done! Plus it turns out my boss is super famous now, so that’s cool. I just wish being a tech involved making more money. Apparently the prestige of working on a big campus is supposed to make up for the lack of salary that private sector techs get. See, prestige doesn’t pay the student loans, people. Hence my almost complete abandonment of all my hopes and dreams to become a fancy successful marine biologist. Bah!

Anyway, today was an ok work day, which means I’m suspicious of the rest of the week. And the rest of the semester. And basically the rest of my life. Bleh. Stupid gloomy day has given me a stupid bad mood. No more talk. Just cat pictures.

Kiwi and his paper bag:

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Moon and her box:
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Time for bed. Then more work. Repeat. Forever.

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