Exactly how does our species continue to reproduce?!?

April 29, 2009 at 7:39 pm (animal behavior, boobs., crafts, focus of my ire)

I’m a very nice person, people. Any time someone needs help, I will nearly fall over myself to get you what you need. That’s just who I am. Today, a guy walked up to me and asked where the bus stop for the bus going in the opposite direction was. I smiled nicely and told him he’d have to walk all the way around the block, that bus didn’t even go down this street, but if he took this shortcut…etc. What did he do? Did he do the polite, “normal” thing most humans do when they are helped out?

NO! The fucker said, “Oh wow, wanna hang out?”

I admit, I was confused for a moment, because that was way not what I was expecting. My response was, “Um, no, I’m married.”

Cool guy’s reply? “You’ve got some great breasts.”

Fan-fucking-tastic. I think I said something like “Yeah, I know” and fortunately the bus pulled up just then so I could escape…except cool guy followed me on to the bus, stammering “oh, I didn’t mean that, I’m just stressed from school and stuff…” I made sure to sit at the back of the bus, where there were basically no seats…and he followed me, so he could ask the ever important question, “Hey, do you have any friends I could hang out with?”

WHAT THE FUCK???

Ever the polite Texas girl when stressed, I think I laughed awkwardly and said “no, I’m basically a nerd.” Cool guy still didn’t get it- he then said “hey, we could hang out and play chess! You could just wear a blanket! You seem really interesting, you know, not just because of your tits!”

Thank GOODNESS he then had to get off the bus (but not without first giving me his myspace page! How classy!). I don’t know how long I could hold back my flabbergastery* and rage. What the hell?? Do those lines work? From what I hear, they must, because apparently there are no classy guys out there. Well, maybe Kurt.  Um, or not. E and I are going to give up on men altogether and get a house in which we can live as sexy spinsters and have sexy-but-mute cabana boys bring us big pretty drinks in our hammocks while we knit while listening to audiobooks and watching the cats play. Suck it, men. If you, as a gender, do not get your shit together and learn how to talk to people as normal adults are supposed to, you are losing two freaking sexy and, most importantly, incredibly smart and talented ladies to a world you will not even be allowed to glimpse (unless you are our cabana boy. Who instead of being mute is actually a student of either neurobiology or physiology and very smart and knows just how fucking annoying it is to hear about our damn tits all the time). The sadest part about this event is that I probably will experience many more situations in this vein as a teacher. Specifically as a teacher with breasts. I can only hope the male teachers I work with will at least be civil- the ones I’ve met from my program so far are really cool, so perhaps there is hope for the male gender and the species as a whole.

I was going to come home and craft something with really big, sharp, stupid-boy-crushing teeth, but I’m tired. I’m in the middle of another major insomnia run and it is starting to kick my ass. It’s totally a result of both how excited I am about my new career** and how freaked out I am when I actually realize that, oh, crap, I’m going to be teaching. Teaching students. Students who will basically only stare at my breasts and when they fail and I have to have conferences with their parents about it, their parents will either yell at me and make me cry or just stare at my breasts. Or a combination of the two. GAH.

Anyway, earlier in the week I embroidered something that fits my mood very well right now, based on a pattern I found on an amazing artist’s site:

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Don’t fuck with this angry pegasus, man, he will tromp all over you. And there will probably be pony poo involved. Grrr…

In a related side note, I just want to mention how much I love embroidery…it’s like tracing and/or coloring, but with needles…

FIN!

*I’m totally claiming this is a real word.

**Only 4 more weeks of lab left!!

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sock goblins!

April 24, 2009 at 9:36 pm (crafts, monsters)

I recruited some outside help to assist with my tree curses. Meet the sock goblin!

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Sock goblins eat tree curses for breakfast, and then nap. Next time I should probably make recruit a goblin that’s also a masseur, my neck still hurts like hell and I’m almost out of vidocin…

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Meet Brooklyn

February 3, 2009 at 5:48 am (crafts, lessons in troll avoidance)

My troll protection. He helps me when the bridges fail.

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I heart polymer clay!

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Laura R, this is all your fault.

December 9, 2008 at 9:34 pm (cats, crafts, just pure awesome)

But what a cute fault it is…

img_5224We (by which I mean “I”) were going for the sexy-or-at-least-cute bow tie look but somehow got the super geek look instead. He looks like we just interrupted him while he was organizing his pocket protector. For my next handmade cat project, I plan on making him his very own snuggie (warning: the site talks!). Because the snuggie is just that awesome. Every person and their cat need to have something in their wardrobe that looks like wizard pajamas. Also, wouldn’t “Gandalf’s pajamas” be an awesome band name??

(also, pay no attention to the crazy unorganized bookshelves and closet…)

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blerp.

November 15, 2008 at 2:42 pm (cats, crafts, just pure awesome, life in general)

i was supposed to be at the ren faire this weekend, but instead i got sick. stupid, stupid stomach. possibly caused by exposure to estrogen at work, but most likely just a bug. i busted my butt this last week making kilts for my dad and the boy, which came out pretty freakin’ awesome if i say so myself, which i do. i didn’t get a chance to make myself something for the faire, so i guess it’s ok that the universe conspired to keep me from going.

because i don’t have much else to offer for this post, here’s a picture of kiwi, looking cute while plotting disaster, i’m sure:

img_5184bthe pic was edited slightly because there may or may not have been a nipple trying to get in on the picture originally… you know, like that person who stands in the background of pictures and poses even though they are not actually being photographed on purpose. except in this case it may or may not have been a nipple. anyway, focus on kiwi! he is cute! look at his massive cuteness! he’s taken to enjoying sitting in my lap, which is a pretty novel experience for me as a cat person- usually, the cats i’ve had have just sit near me, not on me, or will sit in my lap but if i try to touch them they get pissed. kiwi is unique in another way, too…he likes to sit on my lap best when i am on the toilet. such a weirdo. but so cute, so how can i resist??

in other news, we have a fruit fly infestation in my apartment and it is gross. also, they drive kiwi crazy, which amuses me, but not enough to stop squishing every bug i encounter. for some reason their strong hold appears to be the dishwasher, so i’ve been randomly running the dishwasher to kill the crap out of them. they seem to be on the decline but they are sneaky little jerks… when i was an undergrad, i worked in a building that housed a lot of comparative biology labs- that is, people studied lots of random animal models in that building. people also used lots of really sensitive equipment, so pesticides were not allowed in the building- so not only did we get lots of icky bugs from outside, but whenever i saw fruitflies in the lab, i always worried that they were escapees from labs- so if i squished them, i was squishing someone’s work. or that it was a mutant and killing it would release a pheromone that would attract 755,839,202 of its closest friends and relatives to destroy me. at home, though, i feel no such fear. those little jerks came in on my bananas, and they will go out by my rolled up research papers.

sidenote: the misadventures of flapjack may be one of the weirdest shows i’ve ever had on in the background while blogging.

oh, what’s that? you need more kiwi? well, who am i to dissappoint?

img_51831oh kiwi, your cuteness is the sunshine of my life. but you are such a little bimbo cat…so pretty, less smart. and how come my arms look so oddly manly? hurumph.

speaking of hurumph, why do i love the show frisky dingo so much? i think i have a girl boner for xander crews. maybe because he’s naked for basically the entire first season? perhaps, perhaps.

in case you are wondering, i am supposed to be working on a presentation right now. that’s why my blog is so meandering. anything to avoid working! even though this presentation is crazy important! another good reason i did not go to the ren faire this weekend. the presentation itself is done, i just need to read up on the background info. it may be strange of me, but i think i should probably know what the heck i’m talking about when i give the presentation…

i’m still not happy with my stupid job. my boss hates me and continually either patronizes me or acts like i know nothing. actually, i think that the main reason i need a new job. i have an extensive scientific background, dammit. when we talk about binding proteins, i know a thing or two. when we talk about steroidogenic proteins, i can hold my own in a conversation. i have enough background that when something in a presentation seems off to me, there’s a good chance it is and i’m not just dumb. so why is it, when i ask questions in lab meetings, i’m given blank stares from the students and “you are so dumb” looks from my boss? it’s been almost two years, people, you’d think they’d have figured out that i am not just a research tool and that maybe, just maybe, i know what i’m talking about. jerks.

ok, i’m inspired to go finish my presentation now. go meg go!

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daily dose of awesome

October 31, 2008 at 9:14 am (crafts)

continuing in the sock buddy theme that started with the pig below, i made a bunny!

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oink oink!

October 27, 2008 at 8:51 pm (crafts, life in general)

hahaha! i made a pig sock buddy, the first of my craft plans inspired by a book i got at maker faire.

teehee!! isn’t he lovely?

this guy was made to avoid the frustrations of last week…which extended into the weekend. i spilled vitamin water in my purse (don’t ask) and ruined my fancy smart phone (sad!) and probably my camera (very sad!). thankfully, my ebook reader was protected by the several layers of covers that i put in place to protect it from just such an event. i had an old phone to use (stupid sidekick…), so that’s not the end of the world, but most of the time my camera makes sad noises and tells me the lens can’t open. though all may not be lost- last night it worked long enough to take pictures of sir pig above, but it hasn’t worked since then. poop.

i have other news (maybe) but i’m going to save it and not jinx myself…but cross your fingers anyway!

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list of crafts i wanna do

October 21, 2008 at 9:02 pm (crafts, life in general)

’cause if i don’t write it down, i might see something shiny and then totally forget about it…

-try some needlefelting! here’s the inspiration. i saw her stuff at maker faire, teehee! (side note: i bet needle felting would be great for cat toys…)

-make some sock buddies. (inspiration, acquired at maker faire)

-turn old toy accessories into random crazy jewelry, possibly to sell on my sad etsy.

-go wild with my new staple gun on some fabric and canvases, possibly to make a new earring rack…

-do more fancy embroidery, ala this book (also acquired at maker faire). not that i have ever learned a real embroidery stitch, but that’s beside the point…

-make some snarky book marks using patterns from this book (guess where i got it! that’s right, maker faire!) for coworkers

-convert dad’s khaki shorts to a fancy “everyday” kilt (we’ve been talking about me doing this for a while, but i saw a guy at maker faire with a kilt he had made from jeans. awesome!).

-get some tartan fabric to make dad a “going out” kilt

-find some plastic and make some shrinky dink stuff!

-finish the blanket i started knitting (on a loom) using my birthday yarn. so far i have finished one square out of sixteen…

-with yee yee, make quilt for mama yee yee.

-figure out what, if anything, i’ll make coworkers for xmas this year. last year it was necklaces, but we’ll see.

-make some felt appliqué style pins

-try my hand at making own notepads, ala this crafty lady.

-make and mail crafts to those buds of mine no longer in austin

not crafts, exactly, but related:

-figure out which austin craft store it was that gives you store credit for volunteering, and then do that.

-organize craft area better. every time i clean it, i then have an idea and it all goes to hell again.

-read craft mags

-find time to do all these things!!

ps- why won’t wordpress format properly so i get breaks between my paragraphs?!?!?! whatever.

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nerdgasm, times a million

October 20, 2008 at 7:58 pm (crafts, just pure awesome)

oh my moly. maker faire austin was this weekend, and it was amazing. in all of my faire-visiting life, i have never been to an event that more fit my interests, and where i felt more at home. if you don’t know what maker faire is, it is described as a huge do it yourself festival, but it’s way more than that. all the austin crafters, modders, robot folks, and just crazy awesome folks come out, and not only do they show you what they make, they show you how to make their stuff. holy crap, i learned so much. for example, did you know you can make shrinky dink jewelry using regular #6 plastic?? i didn’t until this lovely lady taught me. plus, the guy who wrote kluge was there, and he gave a super great talk. the sheer overwhelming atmosphere of creative goodness that surrounded the faire made me incredibly happy- it did in only one day what i could not accomplish in an entire week of vacation. here’s some examples of the awesomeness:

i also took some videos of the cool events (sadly, the video i took of the eepybird guys doing their diet coke and mentos routine got corrupted, and i never got to see the life size mouse trap), i’ll post links to them when (if ever) they finish uploading to youtube.

holy crap, it was so freaking awesome. i wish it was every weekend. i’ve decided that i have to get more involved in the austin crafting scene. i need to surround myself with like minded folks! it’s funny, i talked to people who had been to the original maker faire in san fransisco (or wherever) and the overwhelming feeling was the austin faire was more craft oriented and “just…weirder.” well, yeah, that’s what we do in austin! they had shirts that said “make: austin weird” and they had no idea the shirts would sell out as soon as they did. silly, silly folks.

the only down side was that i got assigned to work the bookstore as my volunteer shift (to get in for free). at first, i thought this was the perfect position- i got to work inside, away from all the kicked up dust that gave me multiple asthma attacks the day before (just like a nerd…), and out of the heat. plus, i was surrounded by books! after a little while, i realized my folly. i was surrounded by corporate lackeys and not artsy folks! plus, i was reminded once again that in general, employed folks hate volunteer people. why?? they get breaks, perks, not to mention money, and i’m there out of the goodness of my heart (and for free shwag), never getting any breaks, on my damn feet for nine hours straight. grrr… next year, i’m going to ask to be put with a craft person, or volunteer directly with someone. the upside of all this was that the head bookstore person did know how hard i worked, so he let me get some free books and shirts for free. woohoo! all in all, between volunteering and everything, i ended up with three t-shirts (all free), seven books (four from my dad, three from volunteering) and one felting kit.

i cannot wait until next year! all day today, when people on the bus were jerks, or people in the pharmacy ignored me for forEVER, i just thought back to maker faire and all the amazing people i met. my new mantra will be “i wish i were at maker faire!”

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omg omg omg omg omg omg….

September 14, 2008 at 9:12 pm (crafts, the boy) ()

the boy gave me my birthday present a month early, because he was so excited about what he had gotten me:

holy moly, a freakin’ ebook reader. i’ve only totally coveted this since i learned of its creation! now i can always have a fresh book on me! we all know how i hate to be bored, and now when i finish a book someplace where i don’t have access to my bookshelves, i’ll have more books with me!! oh my goodness, i’m such a nerd. but such a happy, happy nerd! i’ve even managed to make a crafty mod for it:

it’s a fancy slip case! i made it out of a dvd slip case and some awesome corduroy fabric (the picture doesn’t do it justice, it is freakin’ awesome fabric). i know it seems like overkill, since the reader has a snazzy case already, but things have a tendency to get a little banged up after entering my purse, and i don’t want that to happen to my reader. omg. my reader. deep breaths, meg, deep breaths…

in other, less omg news, stuff is happening. hurricane ike came and went, chasing my friends from grad school away from port aransas, which ended up not getting hit. my friend “finn” stayed with us for a couple days, which was fun. well, interesting, at least. he made me go to a country western club…shudder! he wanted a true texas experience (he’s from japan, but has been here four years now), so we went to the broken spoke, a possibly famous bar in south austin. it was like we stepped into a creepy western stereotype movie, let me tell you. the guy taking the cover charge was a super tall, super thin cowboy dude, like no other cowboy i have ever seen, but not in a good way- i’m pretty sure he was missing some teeth, and he had a huge magnum mustache. finn was the only asian person in the place. after watching the band and the dancers for a few dances, we decided that we should dance, too- afterall, you gotta do the two step if you live in texas, right? and how hard could it be? i’d only done it one other time, and that was with a super drunk, super handsy new zealander dude in a bar with maybe 15 people in it at most. i dragged finn out on the dance floor amidst maybe 50 people, and we tried to two step…it’s hard!!! we were one the floor for all of 5 steps and got run into twice, and my foot got smushed by some old broad in boots. it wasn’t like any other dancing experiences i’d had, where no one cares if you suck or not- these people glared and continued to try to run into me. the band was good, though! and now i know what the fuss is about at broken spoke…and don’t need to go back!

my grandparents and my uncle and his family did not decide to evacuate…and they live in houston. silly people, they could’ve stayed with one of us (me, my dad, the boy’s fam). they are all ok, but my uncle’s garage got smushed by a tree. the worst of it is that the home where my grandparents live (gah, which sucks, by the way…grr) is turning its people out because there’s no power…so where do my grandparents go??? i don’t know. i’ll have to talk to my dad later to see. we hate the lady that runs that home anyway- she runs it more like an elder hostel than a retirement home, and even though she says she has experience with alzheimer’s (my grandma has it BAD), she’s actually kicking my grandparents out in a month anyway, because my grandma is just “too much.” i hope my dad and uncles sue the shit out of her.

in job news, i applied for a new position today. i haven’t decided how i feel about it, though. it’s in another lab on campus, and is basically the same thing i do now, but not in hormones. hm. i love hormones, but it’s not like i’m getting anything meaningful out of this job. just lots of stress, really. the job i applied for today pays $1000 more a month than my current job…stupid unregulated science. it also says the pay is negotiable, depending on qualifications. well, i’ve basically got experience in all the methods that lab uses, so maybe i could make even more…assuming i get an interview, and that i don’t blow the interview. i don’t exactly have a spotless record for making great impressions. plus, would i really leave my lab? most of the grad students suck, but the boss is cool…mostly. she’s really into lip service, though, so i never really know what’s going on in her head. plus have i mentioned that most of the grad students suck? it’s been a year and a half and they still have zero respect for me.

oh! i almost forgot! my stupid old grad adviser has all the sudden started talking to me again! it’s only been over two years since he basically told me my research was worthless and unpublishable, but now that the d-bag has a teaching position at a community college rather than a research position at a real school, he’s all into finishing my work. in the words of my recently parented brother, he can suck my big toe. i don’t have the time or resources to spend pretending that he doesn’t suck.

i think i’ll go read. real life can suck it.

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