Exactly how does our species continue to reproduce?!?

April 29, 2009 at 7:39 pm (animal behavior, boobs., crafts, focus of my ire)

I’m a very nice person, people. Any time someone needs help, I will nearly fall over myself to get you what you need. That’s just who I am. Today, a guy walked up to me and asked where the bus stop for the bus going in the opposite direction was. I smiled nicely and told him he’d have to walk all the way around the block, that bus didn’t even go down this street, but if he took this shortcut…etc. What did he do? Did he do the polite, “normal” thing most humans do when they are helped out?

NO! The fucker said, “Oh wow, wanna hang out?”

I admit, I was confused for a moment, because that was way not what I was expecting. My response was, “Um, no, I’m married.”

Cool guy’s reply? “You’ve got some great breasts.”

Fan-fucking-tastic. I think I said something like “Yeah, I know” and fortunately the bus pulled up just then so I could escape…except cool guy followed me on to the bus, stammering “oh, I didn’t mean that, I’m just stressed from school and stuff…” I made sure to sit at the back of the bus, where there were basically no seats…and he followed me, so he could ask the ever important question, “Hey, do you have any friends I could hang out with?”

WHAT THE FUCK???

Ever the polite Texas girl when stressed, I think I laughed awkwardly and said “no, I’m basically a nerd.” Cool guy still didn’t get it- he then said “hey, we could hang out and play chess! You could just wear a blanket! You seem really interesting, you know, not just because of your tits!”

Thank GOODNESS he then had to get off the bus (but not without first giving me his myspace page! How classy!). I don’t know how long I could hold back my flabbergastery* and rage. What the hell?? Do those lines work? From what I hear, they must, because apparently there are no classy guys out there. Well, maybe Kurt.  Um, or not. E and I are going to give up on men altogether and get a house in which we can live as sexy spinsters and have sexy-but-mute cabana boys bring us big pretty drinks in our hammocks while we knit while listening to audiobooks and watching the cats play. Suck it, men. If you, as a gender, do not get your shit together and learn how to talk to people as normal adults are supposed to, you are losing two freaking sexy and, most importantly, incredibly smart and talented ladies to a world you will not even be allowed to glimpse (unless you are our cabana boy. Who instead of being mute is actually a student of either neurobiology or physiology and very smart and knows just how fucking annoying it is to hear about our damn tits all the time). The sadest part about this event is that I probably will experience many more situations in this vein as a teacher. Specifically as a teacher with breasts. I can only hope the male teachers I work with will at least be civil- the ones I’ve met from my program so far are really cool, so perhaps there is hope for the male gender and the species as a whole.

I was going to come home and craft something with really big, sharp, stupid-boy-crushing teeth, but I’m tired. I’m in the middle of another major insomnia run and it is starting to kick my ass. It’s totally a result of both how excited I am about my new career** and how freaked out I am when I actually realize that, oh, crap, I’m going to be teaching. Teaching students. Students who will basically only stare at my breasts and when they fail and I have to have conferences with their parents about it, their parents will either yell at me and make me cry or just stare at my breasts. Or a combination of the two. GAH.

Anyway, earlier in the week I embroidered something that fits my mood very well right now, based on a pattern I found on an amazing artist’s site:

img_1323b

Don’t fuck with this angry pegasus, man, he will tromp all over you. And there will probably be pony poo involved. Grrr…

In a related side note, I just want to mention how much I love embroidery…it’s like tracing and/or coloring, but with needles…

FIN!

*I’m totally claiming this is a real word.

**Only 4 more weeks of lab left!!

Permalink 2 Comments