More tree monsters!

April 23, 2009 at 10:39 am (monsters, reality is not for me, weirdness abounds)

I discovered another scary tree yesterday, and this one was worse than the jabberwocky tree because it turns out it lives on the campus where I work! Not only that but I’ve been standing at the bus stop in front of it for years and until yesterday always turned a blind eye to the evil that lurked so close by.*

This particular breed of tree monster is especially heinous, as it can affect people who come near it and learn its secret! Case in point- I am home from work today, hoped up on vicodin from a busted back muscle, all because I care about you people and want to warn you about the dangers of monster trees. But no tree monster will keep me from telling you about…the angry radish tree!
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For those without the blessing/curse of monster vision:

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This monster tree is a particularly angry breed, as it has to sit and watch all day while college kids throw frisbees at it, make out under it, and/or throw up from too much beer around it, and all the monster tree can do is sit and fume because it has such tiny, useless legs. Overtime, it has developed a way to shoot curse lasers out of its crazy eyes, as you can see clearly depicted above. So this guy just sits and wiggles his tiny, useless arms and legs all day while shooting curse lasers at anyone who gets too close- like poor, unsuspecting me. The curses take time to set it but apparently manifest as pulled shoulder/neck muscles that you don’t feel until you wake up, at which point you can barely move and Dr. FianceeHusband has to wash your hair for you because you can’t move your arms up that high, and then you take a vicodin left over from when you were in the hospital last year because you think it is a muscle relaxant and it turns out it totally isn’t,  but who cares because even though you are still in pain, you feel awesome about it. Side effects of the curse (or possibly the vicodin) include moments of severe clarity and madness sprinkled between serious space out periods, aka cat-like behavior.

So this tree may sort of look like a radish at first, but if you dare to look close enough you can actually see that it is much more serious than that. It is actually a pecan tree that grew up out of a live oak trunk, deforming both in the process. No wonder it is so evil. But also seriously a cool example of biology in action!
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And we all know that the live oak part must be the evil part, as scientific evidence has shown** that pecan always makes things awesome, not evil.

I think my vicodin has worn off because my awesomeness has decreased drastically and my pain is starting to matter again. Stupid tree curse!

*Unintentional rhymage is all part of the curse. Or the vicodin.
** Scientific evidence= me growing up in Austin, pecan-central. Mmm…

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(resigned sigh)

February 15, 2009 at 9:23 pm (art?, i promise i was not drunk when i wrote this, just pure awesome, life in general, reality is not for me, work shmork)

I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. If I had to pick any tree in the world to represent how I would personify work as a tree, it would be this tree I saw while hiking today:
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Scary jabberwocky tree!! What, you don’t see it? Well, good thing you have me here, looking out for you! Here is how to spot a scary ass jabberwocky tree:

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Do you see him now? Lewis Carroll’s jabberwocky ain’t got nothing on scary ass jabberwocky trees, indigenous to Austin with appetites for small dogs and blue cars. Or maybe the Jabberwocky of Alice got really tired and became a tree? Alas, the world may never know. But I still have to go to work tomorrow. Bah!

In other news here is a peacock!
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Holy crap! I didn’t notice until I started importing this picture for my blog but that bird is giving me the freaking stink eye! How rude! Maybe he could smell the jabberwocky tree on me, because maybe peacocks are the only line of defense between us and monster trees so this guy was getting all riled up with anger. Or maybe peacocks are just jerks. I means, look at this crazy girl:

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Sure, she’s pretty and obviously knows it, but what is going on here? I’ve been to this park and observed (read: chased around with a camera) the peafowl for many years, and I’ve never seen a female get all riled up and crazy like this. And what was here problem, you ask? A mighty terrifying sight:

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NO! It’s just a freakin’ dove! Crazy bird!

(Ok, so the biologist side of me is forcing me to point out that she was just making sure her chick got to eat before the dove stole the food that was put down, but in all fairness even the chick was bigger than both of my cats put together, so give the poor little dove a break, you jerk bird!)

And some how I am still reminded of work…

In other, other news, I found another fabulous blog to obsess over!!

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i don't like posts like this.

February 9, 2009 at 5:03 pm (history of meg, life in general, rants, reality is not for me, simply flabbergasted, so confused, work shmork)

I cannot stand double talkers. I cannot wait to get out of this job. I cannot handle hypocrites who blame me for their own short comings. I HATE that people try to diffuse their own faults by blaming me for anything and everything they can. I hate that my boss listens to them and not me. I hate that I am overqualified for every fucking job I have applied for. I hate that I am over worked, underpaid, and still cannot make ends meet. I hate rats. I hate the fluorescent bulbs in my office. I hate that I no longer feel comfortable with anyone I work with. I hate people who like to make my business their business. I hate that I have been as transparent as I fucking can be at this job and yet people still do not care to get to know me. I hate that I have been here two years. I hate that I only have a 1 in 5 chance of getting into this teaching program I’m applying for. I hate that someone will probably misinterpret this post. I hate that no one cares. I hate February. I hate that I am ostracized for doing my fucking job. I hate that no matter what I do, the fucking AlphaTroll continues to try to ruin my life. I hate that I can’t stay home with my cats all the time. I hate that the 12th is coming up. I hate that I recognize the 12th for what it is, the day my mom died, instead of forgetting about it all together. I hate that people tell me that they will be somewhere, then are not. I hate the way that my professional life has turned out. I hate that no matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to turn it around.

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on the relativity of reality

February 3, 2009 at 3:42 pm (reality is not for me)

Sometimes I get so lost in my thoughts and memories that when I come back to real life, I’m not only surprised at how dull it is (it’s like my brain is in technicolor and real life is in black and white), but where I am at the time. Fortunately the more normal part of my brain keeps me working while I’m lost in my musings- after all, how much concentration do I need to label tubes? When I was in class and had to take notes, even when I’d be falling asleep I’d still be able to take notes. Are most people’s brains partitioned like this? I know it’s a big deal in the Sword of Truth books (of which I am only on book 3, so NO SPOILERS). Not that I’m complaining.

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