denial ain't just a river, it's my state of being

February 12, 2009 at 11:18 pm (cold, continuing depression, jinxing myself, just pure awesome, mom, the boy, weirdness abounds)

i don’t want to think about what today really is for me, so instead here is a picture i took of the hawk that likes to hang out in the trees above the creek outside my office/lab. also work is still abysmal, my boss and i were supposed to meet yesterday to talk about how i am terrified that the students are going to make me lose my job and how uncomfortable i am around them, but she never showed up for the meeting. when i asked her about it her reply was, “i can’t remember why we were meeting, so it must not have been important!”


anyway, here’s the hawk. today i saw him swoop down and catch a frog, maybe. or it could’ve been a rat or  small dragon or a gnome, i didn’t get a good look at it.

the intended meal, be it frog, rat or gnome or other, is under the claw you can’t see. the hawk wouldn’t start eating while i was watching it. i try not to think that whatever small animal was caught by this majestic bird was originally some poor lab animal that escaped, only to be devoured. not only is that a shitty fate (but such an apt metaphor for life!) but imagine how many weird chemicals would be coursing through the hawk’s veins if it were true.  just for the record, all my rats are accounted for! no estrogen and/or pcb filled hawk treats are on my conscience, thank you very much.

also, how freakin’ awesome is this picture?

the correct answer is, of course, quite. quite awesome indeed. and that’s the original pic, no color adjustment or anything. if you’re not from austin, just know that this monstrous fork (it’s probably 2 stories high, maybe?) is a classic landmark for a sorta so-so restaurant (sorry, sad but true, even if the hot waiters do flirt with me), and the object at impaled on the fork changes sometimes. for a while it was a sad looking birthday cake, and before that i think it was fries, maybe… anyway, the point is i was walking by today and snapped a picture around sunset and it turned out FANTASTIC! i plan to use it in my valentine for the boy. we never do valentines stuff, so this’ll be a surprise.

lastly, because i love a good photo-rich blog post, the boy and i went to a local sculpture garden that we’d never been to before a while back for our anniversary. my favorite thing there was that there were a ton of guard lion statues! you know, the kind that are paired up so they flank the entrance to a house or library or court house. oh, just look at the picture:
i tried to skew the perspective on purpose because i thought he deserved to look as regal and majestic as possible, but it might still be obvious that this guy’s only about a foot tall. anyway, he was my favorite of the three or four pairs of lions we saw.

also, this statue, the last in a series of season statues on display in the sculpture garden, reminds me of my mom for some reason:
the chin, maybe? but no, my mom and i have the same crazy pointed irish chin, so i don’t know if that’s it. maybe the tilt of her head? in any case, how apt is it that she represents winter? i know i haven’t been truly warm on the inside for four years, to the day.

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omg omg omg omg omg omg….

September 14, 2008 at 9:12 pm (crafts, the boy) ()

the boy gave me my birthday present a month early, because he was so excited about what he had gotten me:

holy moly, a freakin’ ebook reader. i’ve only totally coveted this since i learned of its creation! now i can always have a fresh book on me! we all know how i hate to be bored, and now when i finish a book someplace where i don’t have access to my bookshelves, i’ll have more books with me!! oh my goodness, i’m such a nerd. but such a happy, happy nerd! i’ve even managed to make a crafty mod for it:

it’s a fancy slip case! i made it out of a dvd slip case and some awesome corduroy fabric (the picture doesn’t do it justice, it is freakin’ awesome fabric). i know it seems like overkill, since the reader has a snazzy case already, but things have a tendency to get a little banged up after entering my purse, and i don’t want that to happen to my reader. omg. my reader. deep breaths, meg, deep breaths…

in other, less omg news, stuff is happening. hurricane ike came and went, chasing my friends from grad school away from port aransas, which ended up not getting hit. my friend “finn” stayed with us for a couple days, which was fun. well, interesting, at least. he made me go to a country western club…shudder! he wanted a true texas experience (he’s from japan, but has been here four years now), so we went to the broken spoke, a possibly famous bar in south austin. it was like we stepped into a creepy western stereotype movie, let me tell you. the guy taking the cover charge was a super tall, super thin cowboy dude, like no other cowboy i have ever seen, but not in a good way- i’m pretty sure he was missing some teeth, and he had a huge magnum mustache. finn was the only asian person in the place. after watching the band and the dancers for a few dances, we decided that we should dance, too- afterall, you gotta do the two step if you live in texas, right? and how hard could it be? i’d only done it one other time, and that was with a super drunk, super handsy new zealander dude in a bar with maybe 15 people in it at most. i dragged finn out on the dance floor amidst maybe 50 people, and we tried to two step…it’s hard!!! we were one the floor for all of 5 steps and got run into twice, and my foot got smushed by some old broad in boots. it wasn’t like any other dancing experiences i’d had, where no one cares if you suck or not- these people glared and continued to try to run into me. the band was good, though! and now i know what the fuss is about at broken spoke…and don’t need to go back!

my grandparents and my uncle and his family did not decide to evacuate…and they live in houston. silly people, they could’ve stayed with one of us (me, my dad, the boy’s fam). they are all ok, but my uncle’s garage got smushed by a tree. the worst of it is that the home where my grandparents live (gah, which sucks, by the way…grr) is turning its people out because there’s no power…so where do my grandparents go??? i don’t know. i’ll have to talk to my dad later to see. we hate the lady that runs that home anyway- she runs it more like an elder hostel than a retirement home, and even though she says she has experience with alzheimer’s (my grandma has it BAD), she’s actually kicking my grandparents out in a month anyway, because my grandma is just “too much.” i hope my dad and uncles sue the shit out of her.

in job news, i applied for a new position today. i haven’t decided how i feel about it, though. it’s in another lab on campus, and is basically the same thing i do now, but not in hormones. hm. i love hormones, but it’s not like i’m getting anything meaningful out of this job. just lots of stress, really. the job i applied for today pays $1000 more a month than my current job…stupid unregulated science. it also says the pay is negotiable, depending on qualifications. well, i’ve basically got experience in all the methods that lab uses, so maybe i could make even more…assuming i get an interview, and that i don’t blow the interview. i don’t exactly have a spotless record for making great impressions. plus, would i really leave my lab? most of the grad students suck, but the boss is cool…mostly. she’s really into lip service, though, so i never really know what’s going on in her head. plus have i mentioned that most of the grad students suck? it’s been a year and a half and they still have zero respect for me.

oh! i almost forgot! my stupid old grad adviser has all the sudden started talking to me again! it’s only been over two years since he basically told me my research was worthless and unpublishable, but now that the d-bag has a teaching position at a community college rather than a research position at a real school, he’s all into finishing my work. in the words of my recently parented brother, he can suck my big toe. i don’t have the time or resources to spend pretending that he doesn’t suck.

i think i’ll go read. real life can suck it.

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